some language tweaks and copyediting mode improvements

2 files changed, 20 insertions, 19 deletions

diff --git a/draft.tex b/draft.tex
index 3cdd599..6bb86c4 100644
--- a/draft.tex
+++ b/draft.tex
@@ -1,2 +1,3 @@
 \linespread{1.5}
 \setlength{\parskip}{32pt}%
+\usepackage[none]{hyphenat}
diff --git a/negotiation.mdwn b/negotiation.mdwn
index d1b3a88..1040b71 100644
--- a/negotiation.mdwn
+++ b/negotiation.mdwn
@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ bank account is getting low. We need income, and we need it
 soon, or we won't be paying salaries by Christmas." I love
 Robin, but she does need things to be spelled out clearly,
 from time to time. Luckily, that's what I'm good at, and
-patience is part of my job. "These guys are flush. They just
+being patient is part of my job. "These guys are flush. They just
 got a ton of VC money last week. They're also desperate.
 Their whole current product line is broken, and not likely
 to survive another security catastrophe. If we play our
@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ in having my spidey sense tingling?"
 
 "No, I'm apprehensive as well." Andrew is our senior
 developer. He's always calm and composed, and as unflappable
-as the Alps in a summer breeze. "Last time we rejected them
+as a cow watching trains. "Last time we rejected them
 partly because they're a Silicon Valley style brogrammer
 startup, and all that entails."
 
@@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ new job, and every new client, brings a new group of people
 who need to be taught basics of software development
 processes, or basic human dignity. Several years ago we
 started our own company and one of our core values is that
-we don't work for asses, and we reject potential clients if
+we don't work for arseholes, and we reject potential clients if
 we don't like them, either entirely or each team member
 separately. This has made our lives much better, but we only
 get away with it by being really good at what we do.
@@ -78,8 +78,7 @@ conference room to continue their day. We're between paying
 projects, so there's practice runs and studying and
 experimentation with new tools going on. I stay, to finish
 the meeting minutes for our internal wiki, and to send an
-email to Sam at SmartHomes, Inc, the prospective customer,
-to set up a meeting.
+email to set up a meeting.
 
 
 -------------------------------------------------------
@@ -104,11 +103,11 @@ way.
 
 This cafe isn't ideal. It's got a hard acoustic environment,
 so things echo a bit, and there's usually a bunch of
-Japanese architecture students studying the building, since
-it's designed by Alvar Aalto, the famous Finnish architect.
+Japanese architecture students studying the building. The building
+is designed by Alvar Aalto, the famous Finnish architect.
 
-Sam from SmartHomes isn't relaxed, but that's probably not
-because of harsh echoes of other people's discussions. He's
+Sam isn't relaxed, but that's probably not
+because of harsh echoes. He's
 nervous for his company, and under quite a lot of stress.
 He's quite visibly upset. "What's going on? I thought we'd
 talked already, and had an understanding. We need some work
@@ -117,7 +116,7 @@ meeting? Why aren't you working and piling up billable
 hours? We're not paying for idling away in meetings."
 
 Robin was changing her posture, shifting in her chair. I
-could hear the anger bubbling in her, so I rushed to cut her
+could sense the anger bubbling in her, so I rushed to cut her
 off before she said something to drive Sam so far up a tree
 I wouldn't be able to talk him down. "I think there's some
 misunderstanding. You and I met, and we talked, and I got a
@@ -128,7 +127,7 @@ brought Robin here to aid that discussion, and for technical
 depth in case it's needed."
 
 Sam took a deep breath, which clearly calmed him down a bit.
-"What kind of issues?"
+"What issues?"
 
 "To start with, your company doesn't have a strong
 reputation for technical quality. On the contrary, generally
@@ -181,7 +180,7 @@ to get blunt with. So far, so good.
 
 "The main issue we have is in fact your corporate culture.
 You're a startup, in the worst Silicon Valley style. Almost
-all your people are young and male, and you have a strong macho
+all your people are young white men, and you have a strong macho
 culture. Long hours, hard work, hard play, all the hallmarks
 of being manly men who win. You got a big pile of venture
 capital cash recently, and that won't help. Your culture,
@@ -250,7 +249,7 @@ premises. It's easier if we can talk in person, than doing
 everything over email or video calls."
 
 Robin has also, by this time, calmed down a lot, and so when
-she indicates she wants to say something, I give her a
+she rises a finger to tell me she wants to say something, I give her a
 little nod of encouragement. "We prefer to work from our own
 office, but we've worked on customer premises before. It is
 sometimes hard when customer IT isn't co-operative, but we
@@ -287,7 +286,8 @@ Sam's shoulders are hanging. His voice seems defeated.
 
 Robin is clearly having a good time now. "It took me only
 half an hour to get into a root shell. You have a telnet
-port open, and as soon as I figured out that, and googled to
+port open, and as soon as I figured out that, and used the Google
+search engine to
 find a list of you hard-coded root passwords, I was in.
 That's 1970s security, it's not nearly acceptable today.
 From my research, you also have no upgrade system, so as
@@ -297,7 +297,7 @@ acceptable in modern times.
 
 "Based on this short black-box evaluation, and pending
 discussion with your techies, my initial suggestion is that
-you need a completely new platform for you next generation
+you need a completely new software platform for you next generation
 products, one that's built to be secure and updateable. We
 have that. You also need processes for preparing and
 distributing updates to you users, and to take on the
@@ -357,7 +357,7 @@ botnet when we received it."
 I let the quote sink in for about three seconds, and change to the
 next slide, which has quotes from Twitter. The kindest is perhaps one
 saying a SmartHome hub is the perfect way to let you neighbour's kid
-control your lighting.
+control your heating.
 
 "There's more quotes, but they just continue the theme, and I'd prefer
 to not show the ones that are just name-calling and discussing the
@@ -501,7 +501,7 @@ security, took control of their gadgets, and humiliated them."
 
 "Hah. Nina, you're a bit laconic as a storyteller, aren't you?"
 
-Robin was almost laughing out loud. "She doesn't tell it at all. They
+Robin was laughing out loud. "She doesn't tell it at all. They
 were scared of her, she could've had them stand on their heads. Of
 course, if we work with them, that may turn out to be a problem. I'm
 sure they hate our guts now."
@@ -547,7 +547,7 @@ remember that you're not alone."
 
 "Well, if you're sure I won't ruin everything, I guess I'm OK."
 
-I stand up to signal an end to the meeting. "This looks like a rough
+I stand up to signal an end to the meeting. "This looks like a
 consensus. I'll tell SmartHome we're going to help them. Nina, I'll
 ask Sam to provide us with some development hardware. What do we
 need?"
@@ -581,7 +581,7 @@ handle hardware. This becomes important when the project reaches a
 phase where we want to verify that the devices survive being
 forcefully rebooted by cutting power every few seconds for a week.
 Nobody wants to do that by hand. It's a thing Nina built for a project
-a few years ago. She now builds a new one pretty much for every new
+a few years ago. She now improves it for pretty much for every new
 project. It's not exactly cheap, but it saves a ton of manual work and
 also let's us avoid a lot of bugs, which saves a ton of debugging
 work, and thus time. We have a reputation of delivering quality, and