language tweaks

1 files changed, 21 insertions, 18 deletions

diff --git a/newhardware.mdwn b/newhardware.mdwn
index 38737d9..72f1bc5 100644
--- a/newhardware.mdwn
+++ b/newhardware.mdwn
@@ -14,7 +14,8 @@ may mean. "Does he say why?"
 Anna shakes her head. "Not really. He says, and I quote, 'To align our
 customer-facing deliverables with global leaders in leveraging
 technology we proactively synchronise our product schedules with Arm
-release road maps.' What a pile of RUDE WORD marketing RUDE WORD."
+release road maps.' What a RUDE WORDING pile of RUDE WORD marketing
+RUDE WORD."
 
 Robin sighs deeply, then slumps down in a chair. "Does he realise that
 our project will have to restart from scratch? That all the work done
@@ -24,7 +25,7 @@ deadlines now?"
 Anna grimaces. "Of course he doesn't. If they actually do this, it may
 mean we lose the project." Robin nods. "And that means we're in a
 trash compactor, the walls are moving inward, and something just touched
-my leg. We were already desperate when we landed this project."
+my leg. We were already getting desperate when we landed this project."
 
 Anna nods. "Exactly. I better meet with Sam to try to stop this." She
 buries her face in her hands. She sobs once. "I don't know, sometimes
@@ -78,7 +79,7 @@ SmartHome have just let us know they want to update their hardware
 platform. I called this meeting to tell you that and for us to discuss
 the situation together."
 
-The room is filled with a cacophony. Anna lets it continue for a
+The room explodes in a cacophony. Anna lets it continue for a
 moment, then raises her hand. The room quiets instantly. An outsider
 might mistake it for military discipline, but it's a habit borne from
 collaborating with the same equals for a long time, and from respect
@@ -89,7 +90,7 @@ what we've done so far. Do we want to do that?"
 
 Robin raises her hand. "I'd like to keep the contract, if we can talk
 them into keeping the old hardware platform." She drops her hand. Andy
-and Bert look at each other, nodding. Berg raises his hand. "Andy and
+and Bert look at each other, nodding. Bert raises his hand. "Andy and
 I agree. We've put in a lot of effort into the old platform already,
 would be a shame to let that go to waste." Andy keeps his hands on the
 table, but raises his index finger. "We can start on a new platform,
@@ -102,10 +103,11 @@ hardware platform is?" Anna shakes her head. "Sam wasn't explicit
 about that, but my impression is that they're only about to start
 designing it. It's not ready for us to port to." Robin grimaces, but
 Andy speaks, without indicating he wants a turn. "Erm, really? In that
-case, I don't think we can wait for that."
+case, I don't think we can wait for that." Andy quickly raises, then
+lowers his hand.
 
 Anna stands up. "I think we agree. We can't continue on this contract,
-if they change the hardware platform. It would delay all user land
+if they change the hardware platform. It would delay all userland
 software progress too much. It would probably mean we run out of money
 before this contract is paid. Frankly, I would expect SmartHome to go
 bankrupt before they get the new platform working."
@@ -171,8 +173,8 @@ Anna shakes her head quickly. "No, no, not like that. I just ran into
 him the other evening, and we had a few beers. It was nice, but I'm
 not getting involved with him again."
 
-"Good. I mean, it's not like he's a bad egg, but he could maybe mature
-a bit."
+"Good. I mean, it's not like he's a bad egg, but your history with him
+makes me wary."
 
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
@@ -217,7 +219,7 @@ yet?"
 "Nope, I wanted to wait until we decide to go."
 
 "OK. I'll notify our people today. And tell Sam and his bosses that
-we're coming. Is 15:00 a good time to gather everyone?"
+we're coming. Is 13:00 a good time to gather everyone?"
 
 "Should be. RUDE WORD I don't like this, but needs must."
 
@@ -232,7 +234,7 @@ They assemble at the office. It's 8 in the morning, and for most of
 them this is unusually early. Anna arrives with a car, the team piles
 in, and they go to the SmartHome office.
 
-They arrive, get out of the car, and walk in an organised formation
+They arrive, get out of the car, and walk in formation
 into SmartHome HQ and the large meeting room they've visited before.
 The SmartHome CEO, Lasse, and other members of top management are
 already there, as well as Sam, and several senior developers.
@@ -267,7 +269,7 @@ Robin stands up. She looks around the room. Those who know her, can
 see she's angry from the way her lips form a thin straight line. "Sir,
 if you hire experts and ignore what they say, you are an imbecile. In
 the current situation, your choices are to go bankrupt or to let us
-help your developers save your company. It seems you want to go
+help you save your company. It seems you want to go
 bankrupt and make every one of your employees lose their job, while
 you can just retire early. Very well, we don't wish to work for you.
 Have a good day."
@@ -340,7 +342,7 @@ tea. Bert adds milk and sweetener of choice to each mug. Everyone
 takes their mug.
 
 Anna takes a sip. "Well, that was exciting. I think we should process
-what happened together, rather than going home and let everyone
+what happened together, rather than going home and have everyone
 marinate in solitude."
 
 Nina shakes her head. "I can't believe he said that. I can't believe I
@@ -374,13 +376,13 @@ eating something helps. We could have lunch together."
 Anna?"
 
 "Yeah, let's do that. I'll order from my room. If everyone would
-message me on IRC what kind they want, I'll place the order. The usual
+message me on IRC what they want, I'll place the order. The usual
 place."
 
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Pizza has arrived and been consumed. Many words have been said. Much
-anger has been vented.. The Team is leaning back in their chairs,
+anger has been vented. The Team is leaning back in their chairs,
 momentarily content and silent. Anna's phone rings. She looks at it.
 
 "It's Sam. I should probably take this." She rises and goes to her
@@ -412,7 +414,7 @@ chance and be open about what's happening here. I hope you won't
 spread it around. There's a bit of a civil war happening, and most of
 us at SmartHome see that you guys are right and we either make a new,
 better product with your help, or we are finished. Some of the older
-guys in upper management are resisting, but the resistance is
+men in upper management are resisting, but the resistance is
 crumbling."
 
 Anna is laconic and inexpressive. "OK."
@@ -431,7 +433,7 @@ overnight."
 
 "I can be there in fifteen minutes."
 
-"OK. We'll talk and I'll let you know if you should come."
+"Make it sixty. We'll talk and I'll let you know if you shouldn't come."
 
 "Thanks."
 
@@ -440,6 +442,7 @@ overnight."
 The Team has gathered in the kitchen again. A new round of tea has
 been brewed and served.
 
+Anna stands up.
 "Okay, so this is a bit of an interesting development. Sam called. He
 says that SmartHost is having a civil war and he wants to know what it
 would take to bring us back, or least re-open negotiations with them.
@@ -451,7 +454,7 @@ Nina raises her hand. "Will Lasse still be the CEO?"
 much for us to ask for them to get rid of him entirely. He is the
 founder, after all."
 
-Nina chuckles. "Shame, but I see your point. But at least I would
+Nina make a grimace. "Shame, but I see your point. But I
 prefer him to not be involved in this project, or have any say in it."
 
 Robin raises her mug and sips. "Mmmm, I like how you think,
@@ -480,7 +483,7 @@ realised. But given the ground rules as you outlined, and given that
 we have the same need of money, I'm willing to try again." She raises
 her hand.
 
-"Good, that makes us unanimous. I agree we need to treat them with
+"Good, that makes us unanimous. This situation needs that. I agree we need to treat them with
 care. I'd like to invite Sam to our office today to discuss this and
 explain our conditions. Everyone OK with that."